“Shoulding” showed up in so many areas of my life.

Both through the illusory lens of “not being enough” and also of “being too much”
…two sides of the very same coin.

“Shoulding” had me hide and suppress parts of me because I continually felt like there were parts I needed to fix, heal, protect or improve.

And so i walked that path for many years… two steps forward and two steps back.

I have so much love, compassion and gratitude for Her…
the me i used to struggle to be.

She couldn’t bare the thought of causing harm or discomfort to those around her - so she kept herself small, tidy and “nice”.

But this suppression was slowly killing her… she was depressed, her body was sick, she felt unsafe, and dealt with chronic worry.

“What’s wrong with me?” she would think, feeling deflated, lost and confused… and only half alive.

Deep down she always knew her life was one of great service, magic and delight… but her authentic aliveness was buried under the pressure of endless “shoulds”.

What was allowed? What was enough but not too much? What was socially acceptable? What was safe?

Her psyche had been trained and taught to always look towards pathology - what was “wrong“ - with her, rather than her inherent and unbreakable Wholeness.

Her wild and wondrous full range was there… yet it lay dormant.

Her radiant fullness remained unexpressed, repressed and unquenched.

It’s like the deeper juice of life was missing.